The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

No one in Croatia says “the best thing since sliced bread.” This is because they don’t have sliced bread. K says that we could make a fortune by bringing over sliced bread, fitted sheets, brooms, and peanut butter.

Tell me a swiffer wouldn't blow their minds.

It’s not that we’re bashing on Croatia, because we love this place. However, if there’s one thing traveling will do, it’s remind you of everything you miss from home.

I should start by saying that I’m suffering from some overwhelming homesickness at the moment, as I missed an important family event last weekend. Additionally, I’m taking an upcoming trip to my adventure partner’s home of origin, and the excitement of seeing our friends and family is about to kill me.

I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to travel and see the world through the lens of other cultures. There’s nothing quite as cool as experiencing the way another country navigates through life.  I can also appreciate the things that other countries have embraced that I wish America had (roundabouts, open air markets, and free healthcare, anyone?) However, that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten all of things that make my home special.

With that in mind, I dedicate this post to things that I miss about America.

1. Convenience. This doesn’t just mean the convenience of being able to buy ammo, a pregnancy test, bacon, and a lawn mower at two in the morning. Convenience is an all-encompassing phenomenon in the states. I can get anything I need, at any time, and I can probably get it from a drive-thru.

The biggest convenience I miss at this point is a washer and dryer. A full-size washer and dryer, not that 2-gallon combination piece of shit that Europe has embraced. I don’t want to say that I’m tired of washing my clothes in a mop bucket and stringing them around the room, but there’s probably more artistic ways to decorate a kitchen.

2. Grocery stores. Yes, every country has grocery stores, but not in the way that we know and love. This goes along with my comments on convenience. Grocery stores are not open at a time that would be conducive to anyone with a job. Even the ones that boast “24 hours” are only open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sundays. This means that everyone is trying to cram into the dairy aisle on Saturdays, and no one is enjoying themselves. Tesco is the most hostile place I’ve ever been.

Additionally, each country organizes their store in a different way, and it never makes sense. For example, you would think that cinnamon sticks would be in the aisle with the rest of the spices, right? No. Cinnamon sticks are located next to the flour, which is near the bakery, which is on the other side of the store.

Eggs should be in the refrigerated section next to the milk and butter, but instead you’ll find them on the shelf next to the canned hot dogs, because why the hell not? As an aside, canned hot dogs are surprisingly delicious. Desperation is an ugly animal.

3. Street signs. The first step to getting where you need to go is knowing where you are right now. I’m not even trying to be cute and metaphorical there; I seriously have no idea where the hell I am most of the time. You know those green signs with clearly printed white letters that tell you what street you’re on? Yeah, no one else does that.

Roads that are wide enough to accommodate two cars simultaneously are also a bit of an oddity. It’s much easier to build one lane, label it as 60 mph, and then put up a warning sign. Problem solved!

I could probably create an entirely separate blog about roads and all things automotive related, so I’ll limit this rant to one more thing: grid patterned streets. Miss your turn? That’s cool! Take the next one.

I understand that most of the roads in England are older than my country, so it makes sense that they would follow whatever plan was laid out centuries ago. However, they continue their eclectic patterns of squiggles and loops in their new developments, presumably so that it will blend with the rest of the area.

4. Familiar foods. I can’t belittle the culinary delights of the places I’ve visited. Every country has its own amazing dishes, from sushi in Japan to fresh feta in Greece. I love food, LOVE it, and the variety of flavors has been one of the most rewarding things about living and traveling abroad.

I wouldn’t trade the delicious food experiences I’ve had for anything, but everyone has their favorite foods from home. I make a list of specific things I have to eat each time I visit the states, and none of them could be considered culinary masterpieces. Red Lobster cheesy biscuits, Dairy Queen’s chicken strip basket (God help you if doesn’t have the country gravy), eggs benedict, and that bowl thing from KFC that has their entire menu swimming in mashed potatoes. Don’t act like you don’t know which one I’m talking about! None of these things could hold a candle to the homemade ricotta and balsamic vinegar I had in Italy, but I still miss them!

I miss them because they taste like home. They taste like happy memories at familiar places, and no amount of moussaka in Crete can make up for that (although God knows I’ve tried!) Which brings me to the most important thing I miss about home…

5. Friends and family (and friends that ARE family). It doesn’t matter how many wonderful people I meet on my travels, no one will compare to my friends and family back home. Yes, you make look around at your family and think they’re all bat shit crazy (because they probably are) but they made you who you are today. They’re irreplaceable.

One of the driving forces behind a love of travel is the fact that you can be anyone you want during your trip. No one knows who you are. They don’t know your history or the fact that you still sucked your thumb all the way through kindergarten and are hopelessly uncoordinated. For all they know, you’re whoever (and whatever) you say you are.

At home, there are people who watched you puke all over your desk in Mr. B’s freshman science class, and they love you just the same. As cool as it is to be whoever you want to be for a week, there’s nothing quite the same as knowing that there’s people out there who love you unconditionally. No matter how much I see and how far I travel, these are the people that make me want to come home.

But I seriously need a washer and dryer.

Finding Our Way

A few years ago, my adventure partner decided to surprise me with a TomTom. To be perfectly honest, I thought it was a pointless piece of technology. I had happily road tripped through multiple countries by looking for road signs and reading my maps, so I didn’t need a GPS. Two months later as we were driving through Denver, I discovered that having a soft-spoken voice tell me when to turn left made for a much healthier marriage than using my husband as a navigator. My love affair with the GPS was born! 

The TomTom became one of those arbitrary markers: life before the GPS and life after the GPS. Pre-GPS, some of my favorite afternoons started out by driving with no set destination in mind. One random Wednesday, I woke up and decided to drive to the English coast. I turned left on a whim after seeing a sign for a tourist route. Thanks to that detour, I visited two castles, had some amazing homemade black currant jam, and discovered one of my favorite vineyards.

Driving without a GPS was not without its fair share of problems though. One night when I was still very new to England, I volunteered to drop a friend off at Gatwick airport, and then headed home to Cambridge. At some point I took a wrong turn, and after an hour or so the road just ended at a large body of water. I found this to be strange because I didn’t remember crossing an ocean on the way down. I backtracked to the nearest gas station and asked the attendant where I was.

Attendant:     You’re in Brighton.

Me:               Where the hell is that?

Attendant:    (Points to a city on the southern tip of England).

Me:               You’re shitting me, right?

The attendant burst out laughing when I explained where I needed to go. I rested my head on the counter, regrouped, and said, “All right. I’m gonna need a map, a pack of smokes, and some Red Bull. This is going to be a long night.”

North and south were lost on me that night.

I arrived back home just in time to change clothes and go to work. In that instance, I really wish I’d had a TomTom.

I can’t argue the fact that the GPS has made my life infinitely easier, but sometimes I wonder if it’s simultaneously taking away my ability to navigate without it. In 2011, researchers at Columbia University, led by Betsy Sparrow, found that we’re more likely to forget facts that we can easily look up. This finding was dubbed the “Google effect.” Similarly, I don’t remember directions to places that I visit now, because I know the TomTom will get me there. Am I sacrificing part of my intellectual abilities for the sake of convenience?

When I’m lost, the journey is part of the adventure. I have to figure out where I am and where I need to be. Getting lost has given me the chance to see places I never would have visited otherwise, and has introduced me to a lot of interesting people. Whenever I turn on my GPS the thought lingers in the back of my mind: How will I ever find myself if I never get lost?

I’ve been attempting to use my GPS less in an effort to regain some of my navigational skills. It’s been simple trips recently, such as finding the community center in a country village I’d never been to before. I imagine I could’ve found the community center faster had my trusty TomTom guided me down every street, but I took the time to read the road signs, look around, and take in this tiny village.
In addition to a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing that I could find my destination without any outside assistance, I found myself appreciating all of the little details of English villages that I’m going to miss: the old men sitting outside the pub, the grassy views of the Cambridgeshire countryside, and the tiny co-op grocery stores. Everything seems slower in the villages.

In the summer, I experiment with various ways of getting home GPS free, just to experience life away from the highway. I’ll take a tractor and a railway crossing any day over rows of semis and pissed off commuters. This simple change to my daily routine saved countless lives when I was quitting smoking. When the farmers plant their fields, I like to roll the windows down so I can smell the scent of freshly tilled earth. This plan has a tendency to backfire near the pig farms, but it’s the risk you take.

The many scents of England.

I keep the GPS in my glove box so it’s there if I need it, but the convenience of the TomTom pales in comparison to the satisfaction I get from finding my own way. Much like life, I appreciate my journey more when I know I’ve created it myself, no matter how many twists and turns I may take.

Traveling on the Cheap

The key to traveling on the cheap is scoring as many discounts as possible. This may seem obvious, as some discounts are familiar, such as using your frequent flier miles or joining a hotel loyalty program. With a little finesse, you can even use your credit card to rack up bonus points or miles. Other common discounts are for senior citizens, children, military, or students. If any of these apply to you, carry your ID everywhere and don’t be afraid to ask about a discount even if it’s not posted. You’d be surprised how many places will give you 10-15% off without a second glance. Be on the lookout for special “student nights” and similar promotions at restaurants where you can get a deeply discounted meal, simply for flashing your ID and a courteous smile.

When calculating your expenses, know that tourist attractions add up quickly and for good reason. Yes, you could swear off all attractions and hang out in your hotel room but let’s be honest, it’s not like you’re going to fly all the way to Dublin just to skip the Jameson Distillery and the Guinness Brewery. What’s a mid-30’s, non student to do?

Your first stop should always be the tourist office. Not only will they have free maps and great recommendations, they usually offer promotional discounts. This might be a free day of public transportation or a bundle deal where you and your adventure partner can get two tickets for a show for the price of one.

The tourist office may also have city passes for you to purchase, which is an excellent deal if you know you’re going to be visiting several attractions. For a great example of this, check out the Edinburgh City Pass. I’ve personally used this pass and cannot emphasize enough how happy I was with it. Google your destination before you go to see if you can purchase a pass online and possibly score yourself free or discounted travel from the airport. A little research can save you a decent amount, and planning ahead is key: don’t waste your money on a 3-day pass if you’re going to see everything in one day and spend the next two on the beach.

Similar to the city pass is the themed pass. If you know you’re going to be visiting several attractions of a similar nature (i.e. castles in England), do a little research and see if you can’t find a discount card for your particular genre of attractions. I used to think that planning ahead ruined the spontaneity of the travel experience. Who wants to follow an itinerary when they’re on vacation? Luckily, there are bundled discount packages for people just like me. Road tripping Ireland should be an open-ended adventure, and I’ve done it on the cheap a few times by using Visit Ireland’s self-drive packages. If you want spontaneity without the hassle of driving, why not try a train pass? Whatever your style, there’s a discount for you!

Some discounts will be less obvious than others. On my first long term trip to England, I was purchasing train tickets at the window when I had the following exchange with the clerk:

Clerk:  “You know, you’d save a lot of money if you had a youth rail card.”

Me:      “Thanks, but I’m an adult.”

Clerk:   “How old are you?”

Me:      “23.”

Clerk:   “You qualify for a youth rail card until you’re 26.”

Me:      “Wait. So you’re telling me that I can drink at 18 but I’m still a child until I’m 26?”

Clerk:   “Well if you want to look at it that way, then yes.”

Me:      “This just might be the greatest country in the world!”

Five minutes later, I returned with the completed application in hand and a passport sized photo. That rail card paid for itself in the first week of use. By taking my bicycle on the train with me, I was able to see most of my destinations without ever paying for a taxi or gas for my car. In cities such as London that have user-friendly public transportation, I would purchase my underground pass as a combination package with my train ticket and save even more.

In short, traveling doesn’t have to be expensive! With a little research and planning, you can see far more of the world than you ever expected and still have some cash left over for an “I Love Nessie!” T-shirt and an Eiffel Tower shot glass.